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The Macalope Weekly: Missed connections

You can almost see the “missed connection” personal ads these pundits would write: “You: gullible reader, looking for more information about the technology industry. Me: technology pundit willfully ignoring implicit costs, pushing really bad ideas, and misrepresenting survey results to generate page views.” Will they get together?! Read on!

No such thing as a free lunch

Writing for The Motley Fool, Steve Heller has some fun with language!

“Apple Has a Siri-ous Problem.”

Ahhhh, the Macalope sees what you did there!

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The Macalope: He’s an ideas guy

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The Macalope: Still makes as much sense

The Macalope’s not sure what to make of The Street’s Rocco Pendola. With hair like Pendola has, sometimes the Macalope thinks he should make a rug.

Pendola seems to run hot and cold on Apple. He’s kind of the Harvey Dent of Apple opinion-making. The horny one would not be going out on a limb to say that the coin landed scar-face-up this time.

”Apple Should Still Fire Tim Cook” (tip o’ the antlers to Peter Dufault).

A few weeks ago, the “fire Tim Cook” bandwagon appeared to be gaining steam.

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The Macalope: Still makes as much sense

The Macalope’s not sure what to make of The Street’s Rocco Pendola. With hair like Pendola has, sometimes the Macalope thinks he should make a rug.

Pendola seems to run hot and cold on Apple. He’s kind of the Harvey Dent of Apple opinion-making. The horny one would not be going out on a limb to say that the coin landed scar-face-up this time.

”Apple Should Still Fire Tim Cook” (tip o’ the antlers to Peter Dufault).

A few weeks ago, the “fire Tim Cook” bandwagon appeared to be gaining steam.

To read this article in full or to leave a comment, please click here

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The Macalope Weekly: It’s magic!

Yes, kids, in just three easy lessons, you can make anything be about Apple! News about Samsung? No, it’s about Apple! News about Facebook? No, it’s about Apple! News about the scientific properties of magnetism? NO, IT’S ABOUT APPLE!

Presto change-o

Writing for The Motley Fool, Salvatore Mattera performs the ol’ switcheroo. That news you thought was bad for Samsung? Turns out it’s bad for Apple!

“Samsung’s Mediocre S4 Reviews Are Bad News for Apple” (tip o’ the antlers to Jim Miles)

Of course they are. That just makes sense.

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The Macalope: Following up

Let’s do a little case study. As of this writing, Apple’s stock sits at $ 461 a share, up about 18 percent from its late April low. You may recall how around that low we were fêted to one story after another about how doomity doomed Apple was because the masters of the universe that run Wall Street are never wrong about anything. Take, for example, Forbes contributor, Peter Cohan.

Please.

In the last two weeks of April, Cohan wrote four pieces about Apple: “7 Reasons Apple is More Doomed Than You Think” (which the Macalope took on at the time and was about as dumb as you might expect), “5 Keys To Apple’s Earnings Report” (a moderately straightforward “what to look for” piece), “Is Apple the Next Dell?” (seriously) and “Samsung Trouncing Apple”.

Because there are only so many hours in the day and stupidium is a seemingly inexhaustible resource, the Macalope never got to those last two pieces, so let’s take a quick look before we get to today’s real point.

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The Macalope: Applefail is a one-way street

It is, of course, a given that the iPhone is falling behind, right? Sure, it is. (Just play along.) The only question left to answer, therefore, is why is it falling behind? And who would we turn to to answer that question than Mike Elgan?

“Why the iPhone Is Falling Behind” (no link, but tip o’ the antlers to Brian Whitney)

Apple haters, Android geeks and misinformed Wall Street analysts will tell you that Apple’s iPhone is falling behind because Apple can’t innovate anymore.

But only clever people like Mike Elgan, who has historically been an entire bag full of wrongness about Apple, can tell you the real reason.

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The Macalope Weekly: Major league analysis

The Macalope is sometimes chastised for picking low-hanging fruit, but not today. Unless he’s linking to the Harvard Bizness Review and Bloomberg by accident. (Nope, he’s checked the links.) But after he’s through taking out the high-class trash, he’s doing something unusual this week: handing out some kudos. Bet you didn’t see that coming.

Ivy bush league

“Stay in school, kids.” That’s you always hear, right? And the Macalope would never tell the kids to not stay in school. Unless, maybe, the school is Harvard, whose Business Review brings us this piece by Vijay Govindarajan and Srikanth Srinivas (tip o’ the antler to John Gruber).

Govindarajan and Srinivas use a quadrant of four animals to describe companies because… uh, well, they use a quadrant of four animals to describe companies. Just go with it.

So, which one is Apple?

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The Macalope Weekly: Off with his head!

This week, Apple reported results that would be the envy of any other company in technology—or, well, in any industry other than oil and gas. So, naturally, people are calling for Tim Cook to be fired. What other solution to this problem could there be, people?! Philip Elmer-Dewitt thinks there’s an orchestrated campaign; the Macalope doesn’t know if that’s true, though; he’s just here to shove some of these orchestra members into their instruments.

A solution in search of a problem

Over at Forbes, of course, they didn’t need to wait for Apple’s quarterly results to get the ball rolling.

Gene Marcial asks “Is Apple Looking For A Replacement For CEO Cook?” (no link for so, so many reasons).

Better questions Marcial should be spending his time pondering are, “Are space aliens living in my cupboard?” and “Is my toaster secretly whispering insults about me to my blender, behind my back?”

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The Macalope: Contribution not required

Forbes contributor Peter Cohan bangs out the “7 Reasons Apple is More Doomed Than You Think” (tip o’ the antlers to Chris Biele), causing the Macalope to wonder “What is it, exactly, that this slate of ne’er-do-wells is ‘contributing’?”

Also, how could Apple be more doomed than we think?! We already think it’s super doomed to begin with!

Wait, there are different levels of doom? Isn’t doom a line that you cross, not a continuing progression of …

Oh, you know what? What’s the point of arguing with this?

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